Volume II, Chapter XI

CHAPTER XI

When they were gone, Edward, as if intending to exasperate himself as much as possible against Mr. Darcy, chose for his employment the examination of all the letters which Jane had written to him since his being in Kent. They contained no actual complaint, nor was there any revival of past occurrences, or any communication of present suffering. But in all, and in almost every line of each, there was a want of that cheerfulness which had been used to characterize her style, and which, proceeding from the serenity of a mind at ease with itself, and kindly disposed towards every one, had been scarcely ever clouded. Edward noticed every sentence conveying the idea of uneasiness, with an attention which it had hardly received on the first perusal. Mr. Darcy's shameful boast of what misery he had been able to inflict, gave Edward a keener sense of his sister's sufferings. It was some consolation to think that Mr. Darcy’s visit to Rosings was to end on the day after the next, and, a still greater, that in less than a fortnight he should himself be with Jane again, and enabled to contribute to the recovery of her spirits, by all that affection could do.

He could not think of Darcy's leaving Kent, without remembering that his cousin was to go with him; but Colonel Fitzwilliam had made it clear that he had no intentions at all towards Maria Lucas, and agreeable as he was, Edward did not mean to be unhappy about him.

While settling this point, he was suddenly roused by the sound of the door bell, and his spirits were a little fluttered by the idea of its being Colonel Fitzwilliam himself, who had once before called late in the evening, and might now come to inquire particularly after him. But this idea was soon banished, and his spirits were very differently affected, when, to his utter amazement, he saw Mr. Darcy walk into the room. In an hurried manner he immediately began an inquiry after Edward’s health, imputing his visit to a wish of hearing that he were better. Edward answered him with cold civility. Darcy sat down for a few moments, and then getting up walked about the room. Edward was surprised, but said not a word. After a silence of several minutes, Darcy came towards him in an agitated manner, and thus began,

'In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.'

Edward's astonishment was beyond expression. He stared, doubted, and was silent. This the gentleman considered sufficient encouragement, and the avowal of all that he felt and had long felt for him, immediately followed. He spoke well, but there were feelings besides those of the heart to be detailed, and he was not more eloquent on the subject of tenderness than of pride. His sense of Edward’s inferiority—of its being a degradation—of the family obstacles which judgment had always opposed to inclination, were dwelt on with a warmth which seemed due to the consequence he was wounding, but was very unlikely to recommend his suit.

In spite of his deeply-rooted dislike, Edward could not be insensible to the compliment of such a man's affection, and though his intentions did not vary for an instant, he was at first sorry for the pain Mr. Darcy was to receive; till, roused to resentment by his subsequent language, he lost all compassion in anger. He tried, however, to compose himself to answer him with patience, when he should have done. The gentleman concluded with representing to him the strength of that attachment which, in spite of all his endeavours, he had found impossible to conquer; and with expressing his hope that their sentiments coincided. As he said this, Edward could easily see that he had no doubt of a favourable answer. He spoke of apprehension and anxiety, but his countenance expressed real security. Such a circumstance could only exasperate farther, and when he ceased, the colour rose into Edward’s cheeks, and he said,

'In such cases as this, it is, I believe, the established mode to express a sense of obligation for the sentiments avowed, however unequally they may be returned. It is natural that obligation should be felt, and if I could feel gratitude, I would now thank you. But I cannot—I have never desired your good opinion, and you have certainly bestowed it most unwillingly. I am sorry to have occasioned pain to any one. It has been most unconsciously done, however, and I hope will be of short duration. The feelings which, you tell me, have long prevented the acknowledgment of your regard, can have little difficulty in overcoming it after this explanation.'

Mr. Darcy, who was leaning against the mantle-piece with his eyes fixed on Edward’s face, seemed to catch his words with no less resentment than surprise. His complexion became pale with anger, and the disturbance of his mind was visible in every feature. He was struggling for the appearance of composure, and would not open his lips, till he believed himself to have attained it. The pause was to Edward's feelings dreadful. At length, with a voice of forced calmness, Darcy said,

'And this is all the reply which I am to have the honour of expecting! I might, perhaps, wish to be informed why, with so little endeavour at civility, I am thus rejected. But it is of small importance.'

'I might as well inquire,' replied he, 'why with so evident a desire of offending and insulting me, you chose to tell me that you liked me against your will, against your reason, and even against your character? Was not this some excuse for incivility, if I was uncivil? But I have other provocations. You know I have. Had not my own feelings decided against you, had they been indifferent, or had they even been favourable, do you think that any consideration would tempt me to reward the man, who has been the means of ruining, perhaps for ever, the happiness of a most beloved sister?'

As he pronounced these words, Mr. Darcy changed colour; but the emotion was short, and he listened without attempting to interrupt him while Edward continued.

'I have every reason in the world to think ill of you. No motive can excuse the unjust and ungenerous part you acted there. You dare not, you cannot deny, that you have been the principal, if not the only means of dividing them from each other, of exposing one to the censure of the world for caprice and instability, and the other to its derision for disappointed hopes, and involving them both in misery of the acutest kind.'

He paused, and saw with no slight indignation that Mr. Darcy was listening with an air which proved him wholly unmoved by any feeling of remorse. He even looked at him with a smile of affected incredulity.

'Can you deny that you have done it?' he repeated.

With assumed tranquillity Darcy then replied, 'I have no wish of denying that I did every thing in my power to separate my friend from your sister, or that I rejoice in my success. Towards him I have been kinder than towards myself.'

Edward disdained the appearance of noticing this civil reflection, but its meaning did not escape, nor was it likely to conciliate him.

'But it is not merely this affair,' he continued, 'on which my dislike is founded. Long before it had taken place, my opinion of you was decided. Your character was unfolded in the recital which I received many months ago from Mr. Wickham. On this subject, what can you have to say? In what imaginary act of friendship can you here defend yourself? or under what misrepresentation, can you here impose upon others?'

'You take an eager interest in that gentleman's concerns,' said Darcy, in a less tranquil tone, and with a heightened colour.

'Who that knows what his misfortunes have been, can help feeling an interest in him?'

'His misfortunes!' repeated Darcy contemptuously, 'yes, his misfortunes have been great indeed.'

'And of your infliction,' cried Edward with energy. 'You have reduced him to his present state of poverty, comparative poverty. You have withheld the advantages, which you must know to have been designed for him. You have deprived the best years of his life, of that independence which was no less his due than his desert. You have done all this! and yet you can treat the mention of his misfortune with contempt and ridicule.'

'And this,' cried Darcy, as he walked with quick steps across the room, 'is your opinion of me! This is the estimation in which you hold me! I thank you for explaining it so fully. My faults, according to this calculation, are heavy indeed! But perhaps,' added he, stopping in his walk, and turning towards Edward, 'these offences might have been overlooked, had not your pride been hurt by my honest confession of the scruples that had long prevented my forming any serious design. These bitter accusations might have been suppressed, had I with greater policy concealed my struggles, and flattered you into the belief of my being impelled by unqualified, unalloyed inclination; by reason, by reflection, by every thing. But disguise of every sort is my abhorrence. Nor am I ashamed of the feelings I related. They were natural and just. Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your connections?—in relations, whose condition in life is so decidedly beneath my own?'

Edward felt himself growing more angry every moment; yet he tried to the utmost to speak with composure when he stood and said,

'You are mistaken, Mr. Darcy, if you suppose that the mode of your declaration affected me in any other way, than as it spared me the concern which I might have felt in rejecting you, had you behaved in a more gentleman-like manner.'

He saw him start at this, but Darcy said nothing, and Edward continued,

'You could not have declared your affection in any possible way that would have tempted me to return it.'

Again his astonishment was obvious; and he looked at Edward with an expression of mingled incredulity and mortification. Edward went on.

'From the very beginning, from the first moment I may almost say, of my acquaintance with you, your manners impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form that ground-work of disapprobation on which succeeding events have built so immovable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever love.'

'You have said quite enough, Sir. I perfectly comprehend your feelings, and have now only to be ashamed of what my own have been. Forgive me for having taken up so much of your time, and accept my best wishes for your health and happiness.'

And with these words he hastily left the room, and Edward heard him the next moment open the front door and quit the house.

The tumult of Edward’s mind was now painfully great. He knew not how to support himself, and from actual weakness sat down and moved not for half an hour. His astonishment, as he reflected on what had passed, was increased by every review of it. That Mr. Darcy should declare such feelings, and in such a manner! that he should have been in love with him for so many months! so much in love as to wish to be with him in spite of all the objections which had made him prevent Mr. Bingley's being with Jane, and which must appear at least with equal force in his own case—though the world at large would never know of their love—was almost incredible! it was gratifying to have inspired unconsciously so strong an affection. But his pride, his abominable pride, his shameless avowal of what he had done with respect to Jane, his unpardonable assurance in acknowledging, though he could not justify it, and the unfeeling manner in which he had mentioned Mr. Wickham, his cruelty towards whom he had not attempted to deny, soon overcame the pity which the consideration of his attachment had for a moment excited.

Edward continued in very agitated reflections till the sound of Lady Catherine's carriage made him feel how unequal he was to encounter Charles's observation, and hurried him away to his room.